For about 4 days straight, all I did was play the original Ninja Gaiden for the NES. Along with eating, going to school, sleeping, and going to work. But, those don't count. And the majority of that time was spent thinking about how amazing this game is. Seriously it rocks my socks off. If I was to give it a rating out of ten it would be an easy 8.9 out of ten.
If you are a nut job like myself, you too can play along to my comprehensive review. Just follow this link to this online NES emulator: www.virtualnes.com. Then click "English Translation Games" and then scroll down to "Ninja Gaiden" (not 2 or 3 the first one). I used this emulator at first but later I switched to a stand alone one so I could save my game and cheat to beat the end.
Now onto the actual review. The main character is a guy by the name Ryu Hyabasu. Ryu is just about the biggest bad ass in gaming history. Even better than that chick in the Metroid games. He is a ninja on a killing vendetta. Why? Because his father was killed by some dudes. We don't actual know any of this junk till after a few levels in the game so I should probably shut up. All you know before starting the first level is that it is Act I and you are a ninja with a big sword and you got some killin' to do. I'm fairly certain you don't even know your own name yet.
The game is broken up into stages instead of the standard levels because it is just cool like that. The game begins with Stage 1-1: A city street filled with various villains. Each stage has it's fair share of cool enemies. They also each have unique power up containers (the things you break for power ups). I'll describe any humorous new enemies in every stage.
Important enemies:
In this stage we have a slew of easy prey for the killing. All of them are crappy street thugs that need to learn a lesson.
Boxer Man:
Boxer man is an angry young fellow who likes to punch walls. To the left is a picture of him doing so. He hops around the screen and then you stab him. Then he explodes. In fact, all the enemies in Ninja Gaiden explode. It is pretty much amazing.
Dagger Dude:
Dagger dude also is very angry. He throws daggers at you. And is a dude. Duck or jump with the down arrow or up arrow respectively to dodge his act of violence and then run up and shank him with your sword. It is likely this will explode him.
Biker Guy (shown in screen to the left):
Biker guy has a full biker suit although he does not actually own a motorcycle. He does however, have a shiny red bicycle but he left it at home because it is not very menacing. Instead he brought along his very menacing baseball bat which he swings with a two frame animation as he walks around the screen. Wait for him to turn around and then stab him in the back with that sword of yours so that he explodes like gasoline used to make motorcycles run.
Crazy turtle Runner:
The crazy turtle runner is an elusive half man, half beast. As a young child, the turtle runner ran away from his family and chose to live with the turtles. Unlike the much cooler guy who chose to live with wolves, he did not learn much. However he did get a really cool shell and can run on all fours really fast. Jump him to dodge out of the way or stand your ground and stab him in the face so he explodes upon your blade's might.
As you are running along this level you can destroy these street lamps that are strewn throughout and get power ups and score bonuses and such. The bags of what is presumably money (perhaps it is the heads of your enemies) give you bonus points to your score. The red and blue things with the Japanese symbols you need to use power ups. If you don't have enough of these you can't use power up skills. It took me pretty much halfway through the game to figure out that. Here is a list of the awesome power ups in this game:
Regular Shuriken:
To throw these you need to hold the up key and press the attack button. This is the same way you throw everything in the game. They fly horizontally across the screen and kill stuff.
Boomerang Shuriken:
This is one of the most amazing power ups in any game I have ever played. Basically it is a giant orange shuriken (about 3x as big as the regular shurikens) that flies back and forth across the screen and destroys everything in it's path. As long as you stay out of it's way it will keep flying all over killing stuff.
FIREY DEATH LAUNCH:
If the boomerang shuriken was amazing this is equally amazing if not more amazing. This sucker launches like fifteen fireballs of death upwards from your flaming fist eliminating anything in the spreading deadly flames. It is flippin' sweet.
Spinning Jump Blade Thing:
Normally when you jump and slash you just stab out once and you have to time it well. But with this you turn into a spinning death ball of blades that kills everything in your jump's parabola arc.
Time Freezer:
This freezes time for everyone except you for a few seconds.
Pretty sweet lineup of powers right?
STAGE 1 BOSS STRATEGY - BIG AXE DUDE
Duck and cut him.
After doing said strategy he will explode like everyone else who faces Ryu's majestic ninja fury! After defeating the hunchbacked axe monster you are shown a cinema scene that advances the story line. These cinema's are scattered throughout the game. They are packed with more drama than an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I will break down the cinema' for you at the end of each level so you can follow along with this wicked story.
After slaying about 500 guys in the city's streets, Ryu stops in the bar to have the revelation shown on the left. Then this crazy girl shows up and Ryu tells her to back the hell up. But this girl is pretty psycho and pulls a gun. If there's one thing ninja's don't like it's guns. That's why they never use them. So she shoots Ryu and the player of the game pretty much has a heart attack because that's just scary. Usually, in a cinema scene, when they bust out a gun they don't actually shoot you. But in this one she does. She shoots you right in the chest. Ryu wakes up in a jail cell. That same psycho chick opens the cell door and tells Ryu she's going to help him escape. She also gives him this purple demon statue thing that is important later. Nothing is really explained which is why this is pretty much an amazing story. You gotta keep playing to figure out what happens next. Here are a number of questions the player may be wondering to himself at this point:
- What is the significance of the statue?
- Who are the people following Ryu?
- What are the motives of the mysterious girl?
- How the fuck did Ryu take a bullet from point blank range and live?
Stage 2-1 takes place in a factory. Or at least a place kind of like a factory. It has those big huge orange and black diagonal bar designs and stuff but also it has earthen walls. I am fairly certain a union wouldn't let their company place them in a cave but the level's design is really making me lean towards this option. So I guess it's just some sort of factory cave place. I don't even remember any new enemies coming out of this section. All of them are repeats. So no important enemies segment this time. To the right is a nice animated screen of a Biker Guy though.
This level is pretty sweet. After leaving the Factory Cave you exit onto the walls of a castle. You have to hop around from tower to tower destroying a variety of new enemies. You can't fall off or else you lose a life.
Important Enemies:
Linebacker:
The linebacker is in a hurry to get to the big game. He will hop from tower to tower trying to knock you off. These guys come in packs, folks. It's best to either get out of his way and let him run off the screen or stab him and have him explode. However, I don't really support the murder of athletes so I suggest the first option. The linebacker is an enemy seen throughout the game from this point on.
Evil Sword Throwing Green Shaman Monk:
The Evil Sword Throwing Green Shaman Monk (ESTGSM for short) shows up in a number of levels. ESTGSM enjoys long walks on the beach and sword juggling. Watch out because he tosses his swords very sporadically. You will most like want to stab him when you have a clear go at his body so that he explodes and you get points/safety from his swords. Shurikens/Fire Death Launch are also effective.
Sergeant Submachine Gun:
Sergeant Submachine Gun has both a submachine gun and a camouflage jumpsuit. He shoots three big purple bullets that are larger then his head at a time. Stay out of his way until just after he shoots three and then run/jump up to him and cut him so that he explodes. Ranged weapons work well.
STAGE 2 BOSS STRATEGY - SWINGING SCYTHE DUDE
Duck and cut him.
Yes, I pretty much copy and pasted that but it is true, OK? As expected the scythe killer explodes after being chopped a few times. Is there no one that can stand up to Ryu's man-exploding-madness?
After escaping the Castle/Factory/Cave, Ryu decides to visit a family friend, Walter Smith. Walter Smith has two important features to his character:
- A Super Manly Beard
- The Most Mundane Name of All Time
Ryu first introduces himself to Walt "Bond, James Bond" style backwards which is when we first learn Ryu's name. He then shows Mr. Smith (possibly Dr., I don't know if he has his PHD or not) the purple statue that crazy chick gave him. Walter informs Ryu the statue has an ancient dark power. If the statue, now known to be the "dark" statue, is brought together with the "light" one at the right time (a "black moon") an ancient demon will be released from it's captivity. Then a mysterious green ninja runs in. He steals the statue and mocks Ryu. Walter commands Ryu to chase after that kleptomaniac as a new level begins.
You must fight your way through a forest in you pursuit of the green ninja. By the flora and climate of the stage (many pines) you may try to identify the regional location of the forest as somewhere in North America (perhaps the U.S.). However, the presence of a certain animal enemy in the region makes the stage not able to be placed on a map.
Important Enemies:
Cheetah:
There are cheetahs in the forest. Treat them the same as Crazy Turtle Runners and you will explode them in no time.
Man Eating, Heat Seeking Hawks
These hawks will fly at you and kill you for sure. If you can, try jumping over them and having them fly passed you off the screen. If that doesn't work, chop like a wild man until the bird bursts into a fiery explosion.
Most of the enemies are repeats in this stage.
After running through the forest you experience a sudden climate change and end up in a winter world. The best thing about this stage is that the thing you break to get power ups are live birds (see left). There is only one new enemy:
Important Enemies:
Sergeant Bazooka:
Sergeant Bazooka is surprisingly one of the easiest enemies in the game even though he is armed with a bazooka. Jump his shells when he fires at you and then cut him and his ammo cache will explode.
STAGE 3 BOSS STRATEGY - TRIPLE PURPLE BULLET SAMURAI JUMPER
If you do it right, the Samurai hopper will explode like all the rest. That will teach him to toss purple bullets three at a time.
After getting back the "dark" statue, Ryu returns to Walter Smith's dwelling to find him wounded. Smith informs Ryu that the "light" statue which Walt had been hiding has been stolen. So now the bad guys have the "light" statue and Ryu has the "dark" statue. The world appears to be in peril. However, one man stands in the way of its destruction: Ryu Hyubaploosahowthehelldoyouspellit! He's got to get it back... he must become... THE NINJA DRAGON! At this point I am totally pumped about becoming a ninja/dragon killing machine. If there's anything cooler than ninjas it's dragons. And if there's anything more awesome than dragons it's ninjas. Put two and two together and you have an amazing combo, sorta like those
cheese filled pretzels. So after Mr/Dr. Smith dies a bunch of mysterious punks with guns (remember: ninja's don't like guns) show up
and make Ryu "come with" them. So Ryu obliges and is taken to CIA headquarters where he meets Foster this dude that wants him to get those statues back. Foster has this really ridiculous grin on him at all times. So Foster tells you that crazy chick who shot you is with the CIA which makes her totally cool now and way less loony. Then, Foster tells you about Jaquio, the evil man who has sent those people to "follow" you. Jaquio is holed up at this temple and Foster believes Jaquio is trying to get the demon's power. Since Jaquio already has the "light" statue things aren't looking good for the planet. So Foster naturally sends Ryu in to get the statue back. He drops you over the jungle in a plane.
In this stage you have to battle your way through the jungle to get to the temple for the show down with Jaquio. There are even more cheetahs. I can't remember if there are any new enemies. The power up boxes are little red spiders and their respective webs. At the end, Ryu has reached the temple .
Not really to hell, I just wanted to make things more interesting. In stage 4-2 there are a bunch of new enemies.
Important Enemies:
Green Light saber Ninja:
The green ninja is probably that same type of dude that stole the "dark" statue. He packs a light saber and is not afraid to use it. By alternating between hopping or walking across the screen the green ninja is difficult to hit. And if you do get close enough he may thwack you with his light saber There are really no good strategies against him other than to stay away until you can get a clear hit to make him explode.
Melted Face Man
These guys remind me of the bad guy from Night Before Christmas. Kids, this is what happens when plastic surgery goes bad: You become a sword juggling bad guy that is bound to die by the hands of a super awesome ninja master. Combat these guys in the same way you do the ESTGSM and you will certainly explode them.
Arabian Sword Guy:
These guys have swords and turbans. Explode them at will.
I really have no idea what this place is supposed to be. There's big red tubes that you can jump on and wooden scaffolding. There are stone floors and metal walls with demon imprints. Lots of enemies make returns, a few are newcomers.
Important Enemies:
Toad Launcher 5000 (pic to left)
These guys launch fireballs at you and also are statues. THAT's multitasking. Not only that, they also have two skulls at their base (as if the image of a toad on a pedestal was not scary enough) Jump their fireballs and slash them after getting in close to make them explode.
Spinning Kicker (pic to right)
This guy spins around like a ballerina in a permanent drop kick. I truly do not know how he does not get dizzy. Also he is surprisingly made up of two solid shades: black and white. Perhaps he is a ghost. Slash him when he lands for the explosion.
STAGE 4 BOSS STRATEGY - STONE STATUE POISONOUS GAS SPITTING DEMON TOADS
These guys are really tough. You should move under the pedestals when they jump close to you. Don't bother jumping at all--dodge by running left/right. If you can get close to one while he is facing the opposite direction you can cut he/she/it from behind. At half health one of the toads will die. It WILL NOT explode. It is the ONLY enemy in the entire game that does not explode when you kill it. It simply disappears. However, the second toad does explode when you kill it. 
After beating the toads, Jaquio shows up to be mean to Ryu. He has captured the crazy CIA girl and threatens to kill her if Ryu doesn't give up the "dark" statue. Ryu gets pissed but in the end he gives up the goods. Then Jaquio opens a couple trapped doors and drops Ryu into a pit, wishes him a nice day, and dismisses crazy CIA girl. Feeling good about a job well done, he laughs it off. Ryu falls into the next stage and must continue his killing spree on his quest to become the ninja dragon. But let's stop for a moment and talk about the wild character design that is Jaquio. He is like a racoon head attached to a large mass of tumors. Seriously what the hell is this guy? And what is with those two hornesque things coming from the sides of his head? Can we assume these are his ears? Are they antennae? 
The ground is made of bone dust. The walls glow an eerie purple. Ryu finds himself in what I am clearly presuming to be the underworld.
Important Enemies:
Ghoul Slider:
This type of ghoul slides around on the ground and then pops up at you when he gets close. They also have impressive amounts of facial hair and very long fingernails. Cut him as he pops up to make him explode.
As Ryu closes in on Jaquio and the statues he must traverse the temple's walls to reach his foe. Many perils await him to knock him off.
Important Enemies:
Jet pack Ninja:
The orange jet pack ninja is very elusive. He flies across the screen releasing a barrage of shurikens upon Ryu. Luckily, if you jump up and hit him with your sword his jet pack will explode. You can attempt to protect yourself by jumping out of the way of the ninja stars or break them by slashing but it is pretty much futile.
From this point on I pretty much captured all the screens to each Cinema and animated them. So I don't really have to type anything just look to the right. I gotta say though, that helmet of Malth's is pretty sweet. I also like how he has his arms folded. It just screams: "I am Malth. You will never get past me."
STAGE 5 BOSS STRATEGY - BLOODY MALTH
This is a pretty sweet scene. I mean seriously, Ryu standing over the bad guy like that is totally bad ass The moon is in the background. Malth is cowering from the harmful explosions but still has a few evil things to say. We find out Ryu's dad isn't dead. Malth delivers the amazing line: "But it will be the last thing you'll ever see". Ryu knows he must fight on. The battle continues.
In this scene, we find out what happened to Ryu's pop. Jaquio sics Ryu's own dad on him in the form of a creepy grinning masked dude. Ryu realizes this weird orb in the middle of the room is controlling his dad. I particularly like these lines:
- "No one can beat me."
"Even... your father?" - "It will be entertaining to watch father and son fight to the death."
- "No use, he thinks only of killing you.
STAGE 6 BOSS STRATEGY - MASKED DEVIL
This scene is beyond cool. It is beyond amazing. It is beyond awesome. However, it is not beyond words. There are four words that describe this scene:
YOUR
DAY
HAS
COME
STAGE 6 BOSS STRATEGY - JAQUIO
No seriously Jaquio is impossible. He launches seeking fireballs at you two at a time. You have to jump up on the pedestals, then jump up to cut him. If you get two close he hits you for three damage. I seriously cannot see anyone ever beating this guy without cheating. I know I did. After cheating he will explode and it is rather satisfying. Suck it evil cancer racoon bastard.
The game is not over. There is one more battle that must be fought. Ryu's pop tells him that the he must destroy the statues. But, before he can, a lunar eclipse occurs and Ryu realizes what the "black moon" part of the prophecy meant. The two statues go monochrome and start flashin'. Ryu must face one of the mightiest powers unknown to man: A Demon.
FINAL BATTLE BOSS STRATEGY - DEMON COMBAT: THE BEST KIND OF COMBAT
- The Head
- Your first goal is to destroy the head. Jump up and slash it when things are pretty safe purple flame wise. It will take what seems like infinity to get it to roll off. After destroying the head move onto the next combat section (II).
- The Tail
- Your second goal is to destroy the demon's tail. Stand close enough to cut at the tail. Move periodically to dodge purple fireballs. Eventually the tail should break and it will be safe to strike at the demon's heart (III)!
- The Heart
- Your final goal is to destroy the demon's heart (the primary component of it's circulatory system and one of hell spawn's most vital organs). Jump up and slash at the heart once again staying away from the demon's fire.
This is an expertly crafted cinema scene. It contains tragedy (Ryu's dad's death), a twist (Foster's evil), romance, and great lines. In fact, there are so many great lines in this scene I must organize my favorites into yet another bulleted list:
- "Ryu... I haven't got much longer..."
- "My destiny is tied to the demon statues"
- "Job well done. You are to kill Ryu Hyabasu."
- "I get two kinds of payment..."*
- "The second is you... FOSTER!"*
- "She's right in front of me."*
- "I don't even know your name"*
- "The darkness is finally over"*
But, in all seriousness, what kind of name is Irene? That is quite possibly one of the most unattractive names I have ever heard. It is all the way up there with Gertrude and Ulga. The name choice of Irene Lew is almost as bad as Walter Smith. Anyway, this scene is still pretty sweet. I mean he totally makes a death threat to a CIA agent and then kisses the girl. Plus, he didn't even know her name was Irene at that point.
I have to say, playing this game was a very satisfying experience. Ryu is my new favorite video game character - even better than the Pac Man dude. The enemies were awesome as well as hilarious. The cinema scenes were well written and very suspenseful.However, there is one thing that I have to say that I am highly disappointed with in this game:
Why the hell did Ryu never become the Ninja Dragon?
I mean seriously, that was the part of the game I was waiting for the whole time. It was a total let down. The Ninja Dragon is quite possibly the greatest concept of all time. However, due to Ryu's awesome combat talents and great bad ass quotes, I must admit that Ryu may have become the Ninja Dragon in the end. Maybe not in a concrete sense, but, in a metaphorical sense.Perhaps, in our hearts, Ryu will remain the Ninja Dragon forever.
With that final thought, I must bring this review to a close. You deserve a cookie for reading through this entire thing. If you happen to be at my house and I've baked some I will gladly give you one, but, that isn't very likely. Thank you for reading, and see you next.